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  • Walter Muller

The new strain in Spain falls gently on the plain

Updated: Jan 1, 2021

Nigeria, Texas, Italy, South Africa, Indonesia, Spain, Australia, Utah, India. And London. The globetrotting "new" strain is hardly anything but "new". And our news networks knew it wasn't new when they pushed the narrative of a "new" strain.

Sometimes, he cable news biz acts like a game of three-card monte - where the viewer may be kept in the dark until the network needs ratings. And then that's when you'll find out whats really new. Well, er, new-er. "Breaking news" stories are sometimes even scheduled in advance. After all, its a ratings game. A game in which it's your job to one up the competition and keep the viewer interested.

So what would happen if a news network dumped all its knowledge on Covid at once? Well, first, it'd be overwhelming and pointless to the average viewer. And secondly, it'd be detrimental to the news network. Because then you wouldn't have any new information to report later. So instead, current information about Covid is strategically held back and dribbled out in bits and drabs, in order to keep viewers teetering on edge for as long as possible. For instance, this "new" strain in London. The reality of this new strain is that we've known about it for a very long time. And in that time we've had reports of it in China, Indonesia, Nigeria, Italy, South Africa, Denmark, India, Australia and the USA. Just to name a few. Here's the story of the "new strain" (which is really over a year old). In China, after working hard at mutating, the new strain decided to take a break from the pandemic in February of 2020. I mean, it was sick and tired of doing all the work while all the other coronaviruses just sat back and chilled. So the mutant-strain decided it needed a break too. And it really wanted to do some globe-trotting. So the strain decided to take a vacation. But all the receptors in the strain all couldn't agree where to go first. And while the strain had always wanted to ride the Orient Express to India, it also really wanted to go see America. More specifically Utah. Utah? I know you're thinking - Utah? Well, why not. So what to do? And where would the mutant-strain to go first? Welp, the new strain couldn't agree on where to travel. But fortunately for the new strain, it didn't have to compromise entirely. It could just split it's decision on a cellular level. So one part decided to ride the Orient Express to India. And the other decided to fly to Utah. In splitting by two, these strains became cousins to the original mutant-strain. On the train ride to India, the first strain-cousin made many new acquaintances from different countries - folks who'd soon be traveling back to their own countries and unknowingly bringing their new friend back with them. In the spring when the strain-cousin arrived in India, it lit up night clubs wherever it went, partying down in hot dance zones in towns & cities. But sometimes too much of a good thing makes life boring. So this cousin got bored. And decided it'd like to change things up by backpacking thru Spain. In Spain, the cousin made a strong showing in the summer of 2020, where it spread out fast - from a party in a small barn on a tiny farm in an obscure town to then fast-moving urban centers across the country. And wherever it went, hot dance party zones followed it. Cause this strain liked to party hard. And it also got to see a lot of great cultural sites along the way. Welp, you know how those backpacking travelers can be.

While that strain was busy in Spain, it's American cousin (the strain that went to Utah) mulled around the interior states for a bit, making low-key appearances in obscure small rural communities in states like Colorado and city-sized-towns across the mid-west like Chicago, western destinations like Houston and the southern cities like Atlanta and all places in between - making new party friends wherever it went. It even made a brief appearance in Canada. But nobody gives a crap about Canada, so it just hopped back across the border like it was never there. Meantime, all those new party friends the new strain made were party friends for later - when it would come back for house-parties on hot summer nights and later in the fall. Back in Spain... the strain in Spain had seen enough rain falling gently on the plains. So it decided it wanted to ride the rails and see Europe. And each time it crossed new borders it was renamed, because that's the way it works with strain-identity. But that also made it appear to others like this strain-cousin lived locally, when in fact this strain-cousin was an international-globe-trotter, not a local relation.

To fit into its local identities better, the strain began morphing into local variants of itself. For instance, in Denmark, the strain-cousin decided to earn its keep by farming. So it went zoonotic and heavily infected mink farms, leading to the wholesale killing of around 20,000 farmed minks. But that wasn't the first time it had gone all zoo'y - Wuhan in January of 2020 was the first time for that.

But then the strain-cousin got really bored with farm life and decided to get dressy and go metropolitan to party hard in Sweden where it raved all night long, until the end of summer. But you can only Scandinavian so much before it gets old. So while the endless-summer-rave ended in the early fall, it still took a while before the strain-cousin said goodbye to thousands of people, leaving behind a lingering, bad hangover. Then the strain-cousin realized it had always wanted to Safari - imagining a Jeep rough-riding across the plains of Africa and the outback of Australia. And traversing the wetlands in low slung boats in Indonesia. But once again the strain argued amongst itself where it would like to travel to first.

But this time the strain decided on a more strategic solution - to split into 3 cellular groups so it could travel in 3 directions at once: 1/3rd going to South Africa, 1/3 going to Indonesia and 1/3rd going to Australia, all by plane. So each cellular group could party down harder and faster and establish more hot dance party zones wherever they went. And then when each cousin had partied all they wanted, they all agreed they would meet & merge in London, just in time for a traditional end-of-year English Christmas party. When the first-cousin landed in Australia, it caused all kids of trouble down under.

After the second-cousin got off the plane in South Africa, it laid low for a while, before it caused a stir. It just wanted to take in some sun before working those wild hot zone dance parties.

But in Indonesia, the third-cousin had no interest in history or sun. It just wanted to get down and party hard all night long. Wherever it went, it left a wake of trashed hotel rooms and towns. In Indonesia, the strain partied legendary. In the meantime, the strain in Australia decided to it needed to visit with his cousin who had been living it up in Utah just in time for the fall. So it hopped on plane and landed in Texas, where it got much a needed siesta - before it caught up and merged with it's Utah cousin. After some R&R, together the strain-cousins decided to visit with their long lost relatives on the East Coast, in New York City! New York State is really nice this time of year with the cooler weather and the leaves changing - and so is NYC. And who doesn't want to see NYC around the holidays, right?

So the strain-cousins hopped a plane bound for the east coast and arrived in Western NY in the early Fall. The cousin hopped cross the border to Canada and visited Niagara falls (nobody ever wants to see the American side), then returned to NY and took a slow tour down from the western end of NY, all the way up to the southern end of the state - ending up in NYC just in time for the holidays! It was a perfect situation, because the strain had tons of bacterial cousins already living in hot zones in da Bronx and Brooklyn - and they wanted to stop by to say hi to their several hundred thousand relations - just in time for Thanksgiving!

But NYC wears on you quick when you tourist. And the out-of-town cousins felt this too - so the strain-cousins grew tired of the city fast. They did some last minute shopping, picked up some really good fashionable deals and decided to hop on a plane to London to see their long lost Aunt in South Kensington, arriving just in time to party down with the traditional English Christmas celebration. In the meantime, the South-African-strain-cousin had finally finished heating up the continent and kicking up enough dust that it was time to leave too. So it decided to catch up with it's distant relatives in London, catching a flight back to the UK in time for the holidays as well.

And there all the strain-cousins all merged together in the UK, partying it up till the wee morning hours every night, all in the hottest dance clubs. But then word started to get around about the wild parties these cousins threw. And some folx didn't like it. Especially the prime minister. So some new border restrictions were put in place to try to keep the partying cousins from leaving out the UK. But not before a few relations slipped out to do some last ditch travel back to the Netherlands and to visit new places the new strain had never been - like Italy, France, Japan, Germany, Poland and Romania, Korea, to name a few. But now with the restrictions, the rest of the new UK strain will just hang local and party hard with friends in Wales, Scotland and prolly some local friends in Ireland - until the rest of the cousins can sneak out on a boat, car or plane and party hard with their relatives in other hot dance party zones again. Welp, you can't keep a party down and you can't keep a hot dance party zone from moving around. And the strain-cousins have partied hard in hot dance zones almost everywhere.

Since the strain-cousins established hot dance zones all over the world before landing in the UK, it's kinda odd to think of trying to limit the size of this party by corking up the bottle now. Even funnier, the Gov'nor of NY decreed that the wild-strain-cousins living in the UK wouldn't allowed to visit NYC and party. As if his opinion matters! Because the strain-cousins had been been partying it up in hot dance zones across America for quite a while now, including 'hoods in NYC. In fact, they established so many hot dance zones in NYC that now whole zip codes are hot across the city. And because the cousins had been partying without anyone paying attention,that's why we have so many new hot zones now.

But what the American cousins would really like best is if more of it's globe-trotting strain-cousins in the UK could get together with them in NYC on New Years Eve. And then they could all finally merge together and party even harder then before, watching the ball drop in Times Square on New Years Eve.

Or did they say "merge together and watch respirator O2 levels drop like the ball in Times Square, on New Years Eve?"

Honestly, I forgot which one the strain-cousins said they wanted to see happen in NYC on NYE. But I assure you, it's one or the other. Because the strain you've just heard about in the news has been living here for a very long time...

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